Saturday, February 22, 2014


Whenever we go through any trouble, we create a fantasy world in our mind. One where there are no problems and we are sailing. These dreams change as the deadlines we create pass. One of my reoccurring dreams? I win the lottery. A common enough dream. But what I do with that may be different. I get my husband into the US. And then I donate to others to get their spouses into the US. We set up shop somewhere with snow during the winter yet where it doesn't get too cold, nor does winter last too long or summer get too hot and last too long then either. Or, sometimes we stay in Mexico, and we build a great house in a secure area with a business that thrives and can afford solar panels and climate control. Somewhere calm yet busy. No, I have no clue where in reality these places exist.

My children have their own dreams, and I know my husband dreams of his ideal place. For my kids, it's somewhere with kind teachers, their grandparents within 20 minutes, and central heating/AC. For my husband, somewhere he can fish, open his own business, and be able to take time off to travel. The common thread is "more than survival and filled with people who truly care and don't take advantage of kindness.". The problem is, that place doesn't exist. But I'm sure we all dream of it. Different people, places, and themes... but the same commonality.

We've had our battles, and I know they are less than others. Yet, they are more than others. On the surface, we aren't that bad off. But hidden are the battles that we fought, the struggles and saving and choices that ended with us having what we have. The things we have struggled and battled for I will not give up. Be it figuratively or materially. If I had to, I would. However, if I have other options, why give them up? I've given up enough, my kids have given up enough. Why put them through more?

For now, I continue dreaming... and when my children dream their impossible dreams, I refuse to pop their bubbles. Because, sometimes those "impossible" dreams become possible. And other times, those "impossible" dreams keep us grounded until a more realistic dream is within our grasp. Keep dreaming. Never give up. Your dreams will adapt to your situation, and one day, you will get to live that dream.

This is not the post you are looking for

I had typed up this long, drawn out blog post calling out all the entities who had done me wrong... well, all 3. In the end, I decided I'm not yet ready to go into those stories. I realized, if I only had 3 stories that were eating at me, I'm well off. Two were things beyond my control, and will eat at me probably forever. The other, a story as old as time with two sides. Basically, more personal. So... if those were the posts you were waiting for, you will have to wait for me to proof-read that when it isn't after midnight and I'm not up with 2 sick kids.

So, instead, I offer you a different post. I'm writing to you here, south of sanity once again (in more ways than one), yet enjoying what I have. I have my family whole. I have possibilities. I have years worth of material items I have saved up both before and after Mexico.  And I have friends I never knew I would meet here, both of the US variety and Mexican. Restarting, in a way I would never imagine. And trying to refocus on what is important, despite the little things trying to draw me into their tiny battles that they will never win. Because, in the end, I know my path is right. I don't have to second guess. I don't have to think about "what ifs". Because I know.