I've been putting off doing this blog, but needing to. It's cleansing, I think. So many things are running through my head. Everything I left behind that I miss, and the things I don't miss. I miss my memorabilia. The tokens of our lives that I've managed to keep through the many many moves. I miss my cats, even the pain in the rear end one. I miss having my own space... but then, it was never really mine, was it? It was his, it was hers, it was theirs... my stuff just occupied the space.
I don't miss feeling like that one who never fit in. You know, the one who laughs too late at the jokes without understanding them (usually the one who is the butt of the jokes), never has the right clothes, never has any friends. Yeah, that was me. I know some of you are thinking "What's new?" But it was new... I always had at least a few people I could meet with, laugh, and find support. I have that online, but there is something cathartic about walking around the malls with someone or meeting for drinks and dinner.
So, now I'm north of the border. It's what I've wanted, what I was ordered to do by the most unlikely of people. I'm minus my home, my pets, my things, and my dreams. I'm ready to put up a "Have you seen this?" sign on milk cartons, except I'm pretty sure I left those in Mexico too. Very few people buy milk cartons there, maybe I should hire a car with the blaring speakers to locate them.
I'm rebuilding; my kids are rebuilding. Honestly, they are rebuilding faster. They don't understand... they are just along for the ride and figure they might as well enjoy it. Y loves her school. She's understanding so much, and enjoying fitting in. She loves when I do her hair up in styles I learned there, which are a big freaking deal here. She loves not having a school uniform, she loves music class. I'm dreading the day of the recorders though, but I know when the time comes she'll love that too. L doesn't notice anything different. Pretty telling that... She is having a blast with everything, and finds something new everyday to get into. She misses her cousins though.
I however, I don't know where to go. How do I rebuild? How in the heck am I going to support 3 kids on my own? Who do I share all the day's activities with? Who is my port in the storm? I'll find the answers, or learn to live without that contact that I've missed so much. You would think I would be used to it, it's the same ol' stuff, just with a new place and new faces. I don't know that I will ever get used to it though... So for now, I'm North of the Border, but still far South of Sanity.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Un mejor Colonia
A long time ago (well, not so long ago) lived a man who petitioned the city to pave the roads and privadas of our colonia. The city, in it's infinite wisdom, decided that rather than hiring someone to fix it, they would just give the man the money in cash and have him hire someone. What do you think happened?
Flash forward about 30 years. Still dirt roads. Only now, it's dirt holes. Giant ones. The rainy season really didn't help with that. Only now it's dirt roads with giant holes that semi's and buses zoom down each day further helping to create even bigger holes that have been known to swallow cars whole and one family who was able to buy out an entire privada, build a large bodega, a cow farm, and grow plenty of alfalfa and corn each year.
About a week ago we noticed said family posting signs all over the colonia announcing a "mandatory meeting" (because apparently they now feel they are the kings of the colonia) to discuss repairing and paving just the one main street that their store, farm, and homes are on. They want everyone in the colonia to pay for it. Ummmm....
*@!#^( *^&@$% *^&@#^!!!!
Yeah. That about sums it up. Thanks, but no thanks. They've been living large off of their stolen funds (which the city has never had any intention of trying to reclaim or replace) and now want us all to pay to pave one road instead of that road and all the privadas (which the majority of us live on since they bought half the road they want paved) that the city's money would have payed for. I get that they didn't steal it, their uncle did, but they've made a good life for themselves off of that stolen money. And of course, after the main road is done, they have no intention on helping anyone on the privadas out to pave their roads because "We don't use those roads! Why should we help pay for a road we don't use?! But everyone uses the main road, so everyone has to help!"
And if flat out bullying doesn't work, they'll post signs saying who is against making this "Un mejor Colonia". I've got my own signs people, and I know right where I plan on shoving them.
Flash forward about 30 years. Still dirt roads. Only now, it's dirt holes. Giant ones. The rainy season really didn't help with that. Only now it's dirt roads with giant holes that semi's and buses zoom down each day further helping to create even bigger holes that have been known to swallow cars whole and one family who was able to buy out an entire privada, build a large bodega, a cow farm, and grow plenty of alfalfa and corn each year.
About a week ago we noticed said family posting signs all over the colonia announcing a "mandatory meeting" (because apparently they now feel they are the kings of the colonia) to discuss repairing and paving just the one main street that their store, farm, and homes are on. They want everyone in the colonia to pay for it. Ummmm....
*@!#^( *^&@$% *^&@#^!!!!
Yeah. That about sums it up. Thanks, but no thanks. They've been living large off of their stolen funds (which the city has never had any intention of trying to reclaim or replace) and now want us all to pay to pave one road instead of that road and all the privadas (which the majority of us live on since they bought half the road they want paved) that the city's money would have payed for. I get that they didn't steal it, their uncle did, but they've made a good life for themselves off of that stolen money. And of course, after the main road is done, they have no intention on helping anyone on the privadas out to pave their roads because "We don't use those roads! Why should we help pay for a road we don't use?! But everyone uses the main road, so everyone has to help!"
And if flat out bullying doesn't work, they'll post signs saying who is against making this "Un mejor Colonia". I've got my own signs people, and I know right where I plan on shoving them.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Back to school
I know I'm a procrastinator, but usually when it has to do with the girls, I'm all over it and even early. This year, school just seemed to sneak up on me. Here it is, Thursday. School starts Monday! We haven't gotten Yuli's uniforms, or even know what they are. No school supplies, haven't replaced her water bottle, nothing to make lunches with, not a single item. Oops.
This weekend will be spent running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to cram ourselves into the mass of other parents saying "Oh crap!". I'm sure that will just be a thrill a minute. Sensory overload. Yep, I'm looking forward to that. I'm probably going to see if someone would be willing to take the girls for a few hours so that can be one less worry to concentrate on and I can pick up the supplies.
School starting brought up yet another worry. Where should Yuli go to school? She was placed in the same school as her cousins, but it's not a very good school, nor the closest. It has lots of security concerns, and it's teaching record is sub-par. On the other hand, the school that is closest is the best, and they do have some open spots, but not until after the first week of school. Even then, it's not guaranteed. By this point they can pick and choose who they want to fill those spots. My facebook friends will remember the hassle of last year (the kinder on our street enrolled her, then 2 weeks before school started stated they didn't have room anymore and they messed up, so we ran around trying to find another kinder that wasn't an impossible distance away that still had room and had to purchase all new uniforms, etc. Just for the original kinder to tell us 2 weeks after school started that, oh yeah, they do have room and if we want to pay to switch her and buy new uniforms and school supplies we could have her attend the one she was supposed to be going to anyways and is only 3 doors away from us. Thanks but no thanks). Now we are wondering, do we risk that again, or keep her at the school she's enrolled in, where her cousins can go with her in the mornings and my sister in law can take her and pick her up? We just decided to keep her there for now. If at a future point in time we can, we'll switch her to a private school. She's with family, the school isn't great, but then again, she still doesn't speak much Spanish so she would struggle at the other one too. It's only 1st grade. For now, while it's just the beginning of the school year, we've started researching our options for next year.
This weekend will be spent running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to cram ourselves into the mass of other parents saying "Oh crap!". I'm sure that will just be a thrill a minute. Sensory overload. Yep, I'm looking forward to that. I'm probably going to see if someone would be willing to take the girls for a few hours so that can be one less worry to concentrate on and I can pick up the supplies.
School starting brought up yet another worry. Where should Yuli go to school? She was placed in the same school as her cousins, but it's not a very good school, nor the closest. It has lots of security concerns, and it's teaching record is sub-par. On the other hand, the school that is closest is the best, and they do have some open spots, but not until after the first week of school. Even then, it's not guaranteed. By this point they can pick and choose who they want to fill those spots. My facebook friends will remember the hassle of last year (the kinder on our street enrolled her, then 2 weeks before school started stated they didn't have room anymore and they messed up, so we ran around trying to find another kinder that wasn't an impossible distance away that still had room and had to purchase all new uniforms, etc. Just for the original kinder to tell us 2 weeks after school started that, oh yeah, they do have room and if we want to pay to switch her and buy new uniforms and school supplies we could have her attend the one she was supposed to be going to anyways and is only 3 doors away from us. Thanks but no thanks). Now we are wondering, do we risk that again, or keep her at the school she's enrolled in, where her cousins can go with her in the mornings and my sister in law can take her and pick her up? We just decided to keep her there for now. If at a future point in time we can, we'll switch her to a private school. She's with family, the school isn't great, but then again, she still doesn't speak much Spanish so she would struggle at the other one too. It's only 1st grade. For now, while it's just the beginning of the school year, we've started researching our options for next year.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mi Torta de Jamon
This blog is a continuation on a theme that was actually picked out by a troll on a pro-immigration article, an article about some people that I have come to consider my inspiration and am proud to call "friend". This troll was obviously out to ruffle some feathers and made a comment about how "Women would marry a ham sandwich". Yes, yes, don't feed the trolls and all that jazz, but, I have to say "I LOVE MY TORTA DE JAMON!" In Homer Simpson style, I'm going to list 25 reasons why I love my ham sandwich, and why as our 7th wedding anniversary approaches, I'm still proud to call him mine.
1. He is an amazing father. No matter how little sleep he's had in the last 24-48 hours, he still will stay awake for a tea party/dinosaur rampage/coloring session.
2. He accepts and even loves my particular brand of crazy. He doesn't always understand it, but he knows it's who I am and loves me even more for it.
3. He shares my love of music. We'll spend hours scouring youtube for songs that we have only heard snippets of. He'll talk with my father endlessly about music, and like my father and I, when a song was made has no bearing on whether he likes that song or not. Our house is always full of music playing, songs from the 40s up through current times, in all genres, from nearly every country in the world.
4. His family values are amazing. The devotion he shows not only to his family but to mine as well constantly blow my mind.
5. He'll work any job, no matter how demeaning (provided it isn't immoral or illegal) to provide for us.
6. He worries more about my fair skin burning than I do. He's always reminding me that it's time to put on more sunblock, and even carries a tube of it in the car for me at all times.
7. When he makes a mistake when it comes to me, it upsets him more than me. For example, yesterday we were out and he went to run into the store really quick to pick up some tacos and I decided to stay in the car. He forgot that I was staying and started to roll up the car window on my fingers that were sticking out. The window had barely started to move, no where near trapping my fingers, and he was so upset worrying that he had hurt me (no chance of that) and mad at himself for forgetting.
8. He's not a cat person at all, in fact if you ask him, he hates them. But he's accepted my cats and will even pet them and play with them if he thinks no one is watching.
9. He's embraced a love of all things Winnie the Pooh to have one more thing to bond with our baby and I over.
10. He taught himself English. Not just enough to get by, but enough to be fluent.
11. When I'm sad, he'll tease me out of it or hold me, whichever is needed. If I'm ranting he talks it out with me and helps me to calm down.
12. To the rest of the world, he's confident in himself and who he is, but to me he shows me just how much he is afraid that he isn't good enough.
13. Despite his brother telling him for the last 8 years that I'm going to leave him for a rich American, he's never believed it. Even when I was spitting mad and told him I would, he still didn't believe it. He trusts in us completely, and believes with his whole heart that we will make it through whatever bumps are in our path. You know what? We do.
14. He worries about how the girls and I will handle whatever obstacle is in front of us to no end. It frustrates me to distraction, but at the same time, I love knowing that he's thinking of us, and what he can do to make it easier.
15. After 8 years together, he still stays up late just to talk. I know every thought on his mind, and he knows what's on mine.
16. He loves me and wants me the same as he did all those years ago. Even though I've gained about 50 lbs and never was a stick of a girl. When I point out a dress that I want to be able to wear, or a girl I want to look like he just says "Why would you want to look like that?! She looks like she's sick." and he really means it.
17. He still gives me butterflies. Even when I'm mad and pretending that he doesn't. The only problem is, he knows it too, jaja.
18. Despite being a macho male who always wanted a son, he's never been upset about only having girls. He'll take our girls fishing and let them help him build something and then come inside and paint their nails or let them put bows in his hair.
19. He's dances with the girls and always tries to tease me into dancing with him, settling for a song instead and telling me that's what he wanted all along.
20. He tells me I'm always right, even when we both know he was right all along.
21. He loves to draw, and is very good at it.
22. When I said I missed McDonald's breakfast burritos, he figured out how to make them for me so they taste just like I remember.
23. If I let him, he would eat just beans and tortillas every day in order to give the girls and I everything we wanted. Even if he was sick and tired of beans and tortillas, he wouldn't say a word.
24. He's so very patient with the girls, and when they've reached the end of their rope and have dissolved into a puddle of over dramatisism that would do a Spanish soap opera star proud, he still finds the way to make them calm and smile.
25. He loves me, and puts up with everything that has been thrown in our path, gladly walking with me through the twists and turns, just to be with me.
I do not feel as if any of these really touch upon what makes him great. They are just 25 small things, and there are a million more, that add up into someone who is perfect for me. They are just a few examples of what made me love him in the first place, and what keeps me in love with him all these years. Borders or not, he's mine, and I won't be letting him go.
Update:
To read more "25 things I love about my" posts from others waiting on miracles as well:
Your Words Hurt My Soul
25 Reasons I love my "Lonches La Guera" Man!
25 Things I Love About my Ham Sandwich
il mio panino al prosciutto e formaggio
Teamo Mucho Mi Torta De HAmon
25 Things I Love About My Ham Sandwich
Why I love my Bocadillo de jamón en Honduras (Honduran Ham Sandwich)
1. He is an amazing father. No matter how little sleep he's had in the last 24-48 hours, he still will stay awake for a tea party/dinosaur rampage/coloring session.
2. He accepts and even loves my particular brand of crazy. He doesn't always understand it, but he knows it's who I am and loves me even more for it.
3. He shares my love of music. We'll spend hours scouring youtube for songs that we have only heard snippets of. He'll talk with my father endlessly about music, and like my father and I, when a song was made has no bearing on whether he likes that song or not. Our house is always full of music playing, songs from the 40s up through current times, in all genres, from nearly every country in the world.
4. His family values are amazing. The devotion he shows not only to his family but to mine as well constantly blow my mind.
5. He'll work any job, no matter how demeaning (provided it isn't immoral or illegal) to provide for us.
6. He worries more about my fair skin burning than I do. He's always reminding me that it's time to put on more sunblock, and even carries a tube of it in the car for me at all times.
7. When he makes a mistake when it comes to me, it upsets him more than me. For example, yesterday we were out and he went to run into the store really quick to pick up some tacos and I decided to stay in the car. He forgot that I was staying and started to roll up the car window on my fingers that were sticking out. The window had barely started to move, no where near trapping my fingers, and he was so upset worrying that he had hurt me (no chance of that) and mad at himself for forgetting.
8. He's not a cat person at all, in fact if you ask him, he hates them. But he's accepted my cats and will even pet them and play with them if he thinks no one is watching.
9. He's embraced a love of all things Winnie the Pooh to have one more thing to bond with our baby and I over.
10. He taught himself English. Not just enough to get by, but enough to be fluent.
11. When I'm sad, he'll tease me out of it or hold me, whichever is needed. If I'm ranting he talks it out with me and helps me to calm down.
12. To the rest of the world, he's confident in himself and who he is, but to me he shows me just how much he is afraid that he isn't good enough.
13. Despite his brother telling him for the last 8 years that I'm going to leave him for a rich American, he's never believed it. Even when I was spitting mad and told him I would, he still didn't believe it. He trusts in us completely, and believes with his whole heart that we will make it through whatever bumps are in our path. You know what? We do.
14. He worries about how the girls and I will handle whatever obstacle is in front of us to no end. It frustrates me to distraction, but at the same time, I love knowing that he's thinking of us, and what he can do to make it easier.
15. After 8 years together, he still stays up late just to talk. I know every thought on his mind, and he knows what's on mine.
16. He loves me and wants me the same as he did all those years ago. Even though I've gained about 50 lbs and never was a stick of a girl. When I point out a dress that I want to be able to wear, or a girl I want to look like he just says "Why would you want to look like that?! She looks like she's sick." and he really means it.
17. He still gives me butterflies. Even when I'm mad and pretending that he doesn't. The only problem is, he knows it too, jaja.
18. Despite being a macho male who always wanted a son, he's never been upset about only having girls. He'll take our girls fishing and let them help him build something and then come inside and paint their nails or let them put bows in his hair.
19. He's dances with the girls and always tries to tease me into dancing with him, settling for a song instead and telling me that's what he wanted all along.
20. He tells me I'm always right, even when we both know he was right all along.
21. He loves to draw, and is very good at it.
22. When I said I missed McDonald's breakfast burritos, he figured out how to make them for me so they taste just like I remember.
23. If I let him, he would eat just beans and tortillas every day in order to give the girls and I everything we wanted. Even if he was sick and tired of beans and tortillas, he wouldn't say a word.
24. He's so very patient with the girls, and when they've reached the end of their rope and have dissolved into a puddle of over dramatisism that would do a Spanish soap opera star proud, he still finds the way to make them calm and smile.
25. He loves me, and puts up with everything that has been thrown in our path, gladly walking with me through the twists and turns, just to be with me.
I do not feel as if any of these really touch upon what makes him great. They are just 25 small things, and there are a million more, that add up into someone who is perfect for me. They are just a few examples of what made me love him in the first place, and what keeps me in love with him all these years. Borders or not, he's mine, and I won't be letting him go.
Update:
To read more "25 things I love about my" posts from others waiting on miracles as well:
Your Words Hurt My Soul
25 Reasons I love my "Lonches La Guera" Man!
25 Things I Love About my Ham Sandwich
il mio panino al prosciutto e formaggio
Teamo Mucho Mi Torta De HAmon
25 Things I Love About My Ham Sandwich
Why I love my Bocadillo de jamón en Honduras (Honduran Ham Sandwich)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
That time of year again
For me, my birthday has always been irrevocably tied to the 4th of July. The last 3 years though have been different, and I've struggled to find a way to make it match what is my life now. Yes, I was in the states the last 2 years for it, but there was a piece of me here in Mexico. This year has to be the hardest, and even I'm not sure why.
A friend of mine posted a video of fireworks set to the star spangled banner. I had to watch it, my only glimpse of home, of a birthday I remember. I ended up breaking down into tears while I played and my husband held me, trying to keep me together when I felt like I was in pieces. Apologizing, as though it was his fault. That only made me cry harder. It was never his fault. I went into this with my eyes fully open, knowing all the sacrifices. I love my country, I will always love my country. I am thankful daily for those who serve to keep it safe. For those who stay at home and rush into the fires and bullets to protect it's citizens. It's government? That's another story. But, I love the USA. However, I love my husband more than words can say. He and my children are my world.
As the video ended, my husband (still trying to help me find my way out of my tears) asked me to tell him a story. A story of birthdays and Independence Day's past. Stories, really. Of driving red firetrucks with wagons tied to it through the crowds for Red, White, and BOOM!. Stories of birthday cakes in red, white, and blue. So I talked. And I talked some more. And then I kept on talking, and started smiling at the memories. Then I got to the story of the firework chasing my cousin down the street. As I told the story, we laughed together, and cried from happiness and good memories.
We made a plan for the future. To go to Columbus, to see Red, White, and BOOM! once more. One day, even if it's 10 years more down the road (please, not that long). But I realized something, I have what I need. And maybe our new tradition will be to tell stories of the past, and laugh instead of crying. To look towards the day when we can have that again.
For now, I'll wish the USA a happy birthday from here, fly her flag proudly where my husband hung it for all to see, and blow out the candles for both of us.
A friend of mine posted a video of fireworks set to the star spangled banner. I had to watch it, my only glimpse of home, of a birthday I remember. I ended up breaking down into tears while I played and my husband held me, trying to keep me together when I felt like I was in pieces. Apologizing, as though it was his fault. That only made me cry harder. It was never his fault. I went into this with my eyes fully open, knowing all the sacrifices. I love my country, I will always love my country. I am thankful daily for those who serve to keep it safe. For those who stay at home and rush into the fires and bullets to protect it's citizens. It's government? That's another story. But, I love the USA. However, I love my husband more than words can say. He and my children are my world.
As the video ended, my husband (still trying to help me find my way out of my tears) asked me to tell him a story. A story of birthdays and Independence Day's past. Stories, really. Of driving red firetrucks with wagons tied to it through the crowds for Red, White, and BOOM!. Stories of birthday cakes in red, white, and blue. So I talked. And I talked some more. And then I kept on talking, and started smiling at the memories. Then I got to the story of the firework chasing my cousin down the street. As I told the story, we laughed together, and cried from happiness and good memories.
We made a plan for the future. To go to Columbus, to see Red, White, and BOOM! once more. One day, even if it's 10 years more down the road (please, not that long). But I realized something, I have what I need. And maybe our new tradition will be to tell stories of the past, and laugh instead of crying. To look towards the day when we can have that again.
For now, I'll wish the USA a happy birthday from here, fly her flag proudly where my husband hung it for all to see, and blow out the candles for both of us.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Guessing Game
Raising bilingual children has turned the usual toddler talk from "Huh?" to "Yeah, I got nothing". Some things come out crystal clear ("Nigh nigh!", "Want Poppa!", "NO!", "Ewww!") and others... well, let me give you some examples:
"Moo-Mah" - Kiss, I'm done, Want Down/Up
"Ti" - Yes/Si, Tea, This
"Mwa Ma" - Want more/mas, Want Dino, Want that, Cat, You're dumb (thanks to my 6 year old for teaching her 2 year old sister to call people dumb)
"Aya!" - There, No, Leave me alone
"Papi" - Papi/Daddy, Puppy, Potty, Pretty
"bee-bee" - T.V., Baby, Cbebees (TV channel), Pee-pee
"Ah poo" - Bless you, Want this off/on, I need a diaper, Winnie the pooh, Blanket, Over there
"Poon" - Spoon, Soon, Put
"Doodah" - Toy, Food, Chair, Up, Hug
"Dee dee" - Piggy/Piglet, Dirty, Pretty, Kitty, Give me
"Manana" - Mañana/Morning/Tomorrow, Banana, Manzana/Apple, She hit me
I think I spend at least 80% of the day either feeding her or translating her words, sometimes both at the same time.
"Moo-Mah" - Kiss, I'm done, Want Down/Up
"Ti" - Yes/Si, Tea, This
"Mwa Ma" - Want more/mas, Want Dino, Want that, Cat, You're dumb (thanks to my 6 year old for teaching her 2 year old sister to call people dumb)
"Aya!" - There, No, Leave me alone
"Papi" - Papi/Daddy, Puppy, Potty, Pretty
"bee-bee" - T.V., Baby, Cbebees (TV channel), Pee-pee
"Ah poo" - Bless you, Want this off/on, I need a diaper, Winnie the pooh, Blanket, Over there
"Poon" - Spoon, Soon, Put
"Doodah" - Toy, Food, Chair, Up, Hug
"Dee dee" - Piggy/Piglet, Dirty, Pretty, Kitty, Give me
"Manana" - Mañana/Morning/Tomorrow, Banana, Manzana/Apple, She hit me
I think I spend at least 80% of the day either feeding her or translating her words, sometimes both at the same time.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Bridges
One thing, probably one of the first 5 things, that immediately caught my attention when we first moved to Mexico had to be the bridges. In Mexico, not every street has a name (or at least a sign indicating what name it might possess). However, every bridge has a name and a sign that is clearly visable. My favorite has to be "Puente Sin Agua en la Derecha" (Bridge without water on the right).
In a world full of uncertainty, what we need are more silly bridge names. Who cares what road you are on, but it's important to know what bridge crosses what dried out ditch that may or may not have at one point had water. It makes me want to go out and dig a deep trench in the middle of our dirt road just so I can have the honor of naming a bridge.
In a world full of uncertainty, what we need are more silly bridge names. Who cares what road you are on, but it's important to know what bridge crosses what dried out ditch that may or may not have at one point had water. It makes me want to go out and dig a deep trench in the middle of our dirt road just so I can have the honor of naming a bridge.
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